YOU SAVED MY SOUL
Carson Fredriksen

 

He had stumbled through his now emptier apartment for the past two weeks after euthanizing his furry friend. The various surgeries to fix his stomach had proved unsuccessful, and Michael was tasked with deciding whether his furry friend should live or not. He decided on the latter but felt a great guilt build in his gut after doing so.

Why did he have to play God when it came to his cat?

Why couldn’t Martin have died peacefully in his sleep?

Michael didn’t have the answers to those questions, but he certainly lived with the aftermath. Almost as if his brain had an emergency mode for grief, Michael just continued on with his duties as a remote accountant for a company over in England.

Every so often he’d absentmindedly reach out a hand to scratch his cat’s chin or its back. Now all he felt was air. More often than not his eyes would get mistier than they had been before.

Some days, out of the corner of his eye, he thought he would see a white body prowling around or hear something rattling in his closet. Every time he investigated further, silently praying that Martin would look up at him with those wide, blue eyes, there was nothing there.

Now those same baby-blue eyes were staring back at him.

‘Hello Michael,’ Martin spoke in a deep, yet soft tone.

‘Y-y-you...’ Michael backed up against the headboard of his bed.

Martin rubbed his face with one of his paws. ‘Yes, Michael, I can talk now. It sounds quite lovely, doesn’t it?’

‘I’m never drinking red wine before bed again!’ Michael shook his head before he plopped it back on the pillow, hoping sweet sleep would take him away from this craziness.

He only lay there for a few seconds before he felt a warm paw poke at his forehead. Michael’s breath hitched. Not only did he feel the paw as plainly as if Martin were alive, he poked him in the exact same spot that he always had as well. Michael couldn’t remember how many times his attempts to sleep in were interrupted because his cat wanted to be fed at the same time, regardless of whether it was the weekend or not.

Michael tentatively opened his eyes and saw Martin sitting next to him, his expression a unique blend of annoyance and amusement.

‘I know what a shock this must be for you, Michael, but I really am here.’

Martin then began to purr and rubbed his head against Michael’s forehead. Michael couldn’t help but smile as he rubbed his head back. As far as he knew, the most powerful medication for depression paled in comparison to the compassion an animal gave you.

‘Okay...’ Michael smiled before he sat up again. ‘Why can you talk now?’

Martin tilted his head. ‘I’m dead now. I can pretty much do anything.’

And without a hint of a warning, Martin leapt off the bed, hovered in mid-air and floated towards the dresser at the back of the room.

‘So you’re here to stay?’ Michael asked.

Martin shut his eyes and shook his head slowly. ‘I’m afraid not, old friend. Once our time has come, that is where we must remain.’

Michael’s eyes became misty again as he sniffled.

‘But the master has granted me a chance to relieve the guilt you’ve been feeling for the past couple of weeks.’

‘Guilt?’ Michael asked, trying to put on a brave face. ‘I-I don’t know…’

‘Michael,’ Martin said with a tone as gentle as his own mother’s. ‘You did the right thing by putting me down. I was already 18 years old. You should be happy that I was able to live such a long and full life.’

Michael sighed. ‘I just can’t help but think that maybe I could’ve done things differently. I mean, I once heard of this cat that lived to be in his thirties. I mean...don’t you think I could’ve done better?’

Martin smiled before he looked at the large oval mirror that was attached to the dresser.

‘You see that mirror over there?’

Michael nodded before he saw Martin float through the glass as if it were made out of water. He stared at the mirror for a second before Martin stuck his head out and smiled.

‘Well, come on. You can come through the mirror too, you know. It won’t bite.’

And with that, the white cat sucked its head back in and disappeared into the mirror.

‘I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming. This can’t be real. For all I know, I’ll turn over in my bed and Emma Stone will be there.’

But a small, yet vocal, part of his soul encouraged him to go through the mirror.

‘After all,’ his mind thought while playing devil’s advocate, ‘If this truly is a dream, then you might as well see what your former dead cat wants you to see. You’ll wake up, anyway.’

With this thought in mind, Michael slowly threw off his woolly quilt and made his way over to the mirror. He stared at his reflection. His eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see his eyes holding a desperate amount of hope. It was as if he were hoping that he would remember this by the time he woke up.

He hesitated for a moment before he reached his hand up and touched the mirror. His fingers passed through the material with ease. Michael jerked his hand back and examined his fingers. They were as dry as bone but cool to the touch.

He looked back at the mirror, went through a brief period of disbelief, and then threw the rest of his body through the mirror.

It felt like diving off a board and landing headfirst into the coldest water imaginable. Soon he felt the entirety of his body go limp as if it really were floating in water. He slowly opened his eyes and then confirmed that he must be dreaming.

The majority of the land was dark, as pitch-black as an underground tunnel with no lights on at night. Amongst the darkness were several glowing shapes that surrounded him on all sides. At first glance, they all looked to be long rectangular squares. But when he turned his head to the immediate right, he saw the shape was slightly curved on its sides.

He then noticed other shapes that weren’t squares at all. Some were presented as circles, ovals and even the odd pocket-sized triangle one.

A stream of bubbles crossed Michael’s field of vision. His eyes snapped to the chorus of air filled pockets as they made their way to the top of wherever he was. He suddenly realised that the bubbles came from his own mouth. He was swimming in a pool of black water with no possible means of escape.

Immediately he felt his chest heave and his heart race into overdrive as he tried to hold on to as much air as he could.

‘Don’t be alarmed, my friend,’ Martin’s soothing voice came from his left. ‘You can actually breathe here.’
The cynical adult side of his brain questioned how the logistics of that worked. However, his more down-to-earth guts reminded him that his deceased cat was visiting him, could talk, and walked through a mirror.

Logic had packed its bags a long time ago.

Reluctantly, he released the rest of the air in his lungs. A swarm of bubbles danced in front of his eyes as they floated up to join the rest of the group.

Michael slowly took in a deep breath. He half expected his lungs to be assaulted with water, but they behaved as if he were breathing in air from the countryside. Once he took in enough breaths to slow his heart down, Michael turned to his left and saw Martin floating so that their eyes were aligned.

‘Let me guess, this is another one of those dead things, right?’ Michael asked. Martin nodded with a playful glint in his eyes that his owner remembered fondly.

‘I just thought kitty heaven would be more magical and full of birds and fish and catnip.’

Martin chuckled before he paddled his way in front of his owner. ‘No, this isn’t Heaven, dear boy. This is the “Well of What-Ifs”.’

‘The well of what now?’

‘The Well of What-Ifs is a subsidiary of Heaven that we cats are allowed to enter on occasion. You pass through one of these shapes and it takes you to an alternate place depending on what decision you either made or didn’t make. Basically, it shows how your life may have turned out if you grew up in different circumstances.’

Michael pondered this information for a bit as he noticed some of the shapes around him flicker slightly. ‘You mean... if I didn’t go to school to become an accountant and decided to go into dentistry, it would show me how my life would turn out?’

‘Correct,’ Martin nodded. ‘Of course that’s more like your people’s heaven. Our version, though, also shows us the many different possibilities that could’ve happened in our lives.’

Michael gazed around the environment again. He couldn’t count every single shape, mostly because he was, honestly, too lazy to do so. But his eyes gazed upon at least fifty glowing shapes around him and at least fifty more directly above him and directly below him.

‘How many worlds are there here?’

‘Couldn’t say,’ Martin replied. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if it were in the hundreds or possibly thousands. Even if we decided to sleep the day away instead of going outside to eat grass, let’s say, that world would technically be different.’

‘Man, this is incredible,’ Michael remarked as he performed a few free-floating somersaults forwards and backwards. ‘But why have we come here though?’

Martin smiled. ‘I was hoping you’d ask. Follow me.’

With that, Martin paddled his way upwards. Michael quickly followed suit. He definitely didn’t want to get lost in this strange land.

Michael waved his arms and kicked his legs in a steady rhythm as he stayed close behind his cat. They passed upwards for what Michael estimated to be about fifty feet. The white cat suddenly turned sharply to the right and stopped at one particular rectangular shape with several chips and cracks scattered throughout.
‘This way, Michael,’ the white cat spoke slowly before he flung himself fully into the shape. It reminded Michael of Super Mario 64 when you’d go through the paintings.

Michael paddled slowly towards the shape and tried to gaze into it to see what he was getting himself into. All he could see was a blank, slightly glowing white sheet with patches of black where the chips were. The sight of his cat’s head poking out through the white sheet caused him to nearly tumble backwards.

‘Aren’t you coming?’

‘Y-Yeah,’ Michael replied, not caring about the shake in his voice. ‘I just would’ve liked my last meal first.’

Martin let out a brief chuckle. ‘Just follow me through here and everything will be revealed.’ With that, the small white head disappeared back behind the shape.

Michael took a deep breath, curled his hands into fists, and threw himself towards the shape.

The sight of wheat fields, hay bales, and desolate trees came into his line of sight. Michael felt himself float down onto the thin layer of snow on the ground. Strangely, though, he didn’t feel cold in the slightest.

Michael took a second to gather his bearings before he tossed a glance behind him. An old mirror, with several chips and cracks throughout, lay against a wooden barn that looked like it used to be red at some point.

‘It’s... old Mrs Renfield’s farm,’ Michael spoke out loud as the memories of the place began to emerge.

‘Quite right,’ Martin sauntered out of the barn and made his way over toward his owner. ‘Do you remember why it’s so significant, though?’

Michael laughed as he looked down at Martin. ‘What? Are you kidding? That’s where we picked you up eighteen years back. Mrs Renfield found you scouring around in her garbage and called my mother to see if she wanted you.’

Martin began to purr as he rubbed his head against Michael’s leg. ‘Yes, and it was the happiest day of my life in that reality.’

Michael paused and cocked an eyebrow before he scooped Martin up in his arms and folded them so that the cat could lie in them.

‘That reality?’

‘Yes, but since we crossed through another mirror, this is a different reality.’

‘Why mirrors, though?’ Michael asked.

Martin cranked his head upwards. ‘Truthfully, I can’t say. I asked the same question on the other side, and they said it was just the way it’s always been. If I had to guess... mirrors reflect so much of what we see that it’s only natural that they may reflect what we don’t see.’

A slight mewing from afar made the young man turn his head to the left. He always remembered Mrs Renfield’s bright orange bins beside her modestly sized garage. As if on cue, a white kitten crawled out from behind the bins and began nibbling on a discarded drumstick.

Michael hadn’t been in the area that fateful day, but he guessed that the old woman would open the door and see the furry creature in the distance. But the house remained as quiet as a deserted cemetery. In fact, the whole area was quiet.

Except for the far-off growl that was getting closer and louder.

The white kitten took no notice of the noise, though. It simply continued to nibble on the disregarded piece of poultry without a care in the world.

Just then, Michael caught sight of a coyote sauntering down an adjacent hill.

The animal’s fur was matted, and its body looked as if it hadn’t a trace of fat on its bones. It spotted the tiny creature by the bins, and Michael could see the beast run its tongue over its lips before it slowly stalked its prey.

‘You don’t have to watch this, you know.’ The sound of his cat’s voice both soothed and startled the young man.

Michael looked down at his cat before it leapt out of his arms and made its way back towards the mirror. Michael knew he wasn’t the brightest human on the planet, but he also knew where this reality was leading. And he wanted no part of it.

He allowed his cat to walk through the mirror before he took a step forward.

His fingers had barely touched the surface before he heard a soul-crushing yowl fill the air. Several loud cracks and pops soon followed. He flung himself headfirst into the mirror without ever looking back.

Once he found himself back in the mysterious well, Michael expected to find his cat waiting for him. He was nowhere to be seen.

‘Looking for someone?’

The young man looked up and found his beloved friend floating next to the large, oval-shaped portal.

‘Jesus...’ Michael wiped his lips as those horrible sounds filled his subconscious.

‘I’m sorry you had to see that, Michael, but just think, I didn’t face that reality. You and your family managed to give me a better future than I could ever have realised.’

‘But aren’t there some other possibilities where another family took you in? Maybe made you live longer too?’

‘Yes... but not all are as happy as you might think they are.’

Michael was about to ask what he meant, but the white feline had already ducked into the large, oval-shaped mirror.

‘Monkey see, monkey do,’ Michael muttered as he swam up towards the portal and ducked inside.

Immediately, Michael felt his hands and knees on top of a small dresser. Martin was already on the floor, scratching himself behind the ear.

‘Okay, this doesn’t look too bad,’ Michael said as he took in his surroundings.

A large bunk bed sat in a corner while a swarm of Legos, toy cars, and crayons littered the floor. Outside the room, Michael heard two terrors playing downstairs.

‘At least it’s a home.’

‘But is it a happy home?’

Martin immediately scurried out of the room and ran down the stairs. Michael groaned as he followed. When he caught up to him, the cat was sitting by the edge of the living room. Michael leaned against the wall and glared at the cat.

‘What are you thinking? What if they catch us here?’

Martin chuckled as he locked his baby-blue eyes with his master. ‘We’re practically ghosts here, Michael. Anything you say or do will go unnoticed.’

‘You couldn’t tell me this earlier?’

‘You never asked.’

Michael rolled his eyes before he stepped away from the wall and walked into the living room. As he expected, there were two young boys roughhousing with one another. They slammed each other into the floor, into tables, and even onto the various walls.

‘Hey this is fun, Joey,’ the freckled face boy laughed. ‘But where’s that stupid cat at? I wanna see if I can pick it up by its tail again.’

‘Nah, that isn’t where the fun is, Mikey,’ Joey replied. ‘I wanna see if cats really do land on their feet.’

Michael felt his stomach ache as he watched the two monsters race past him and up the stairs. He was about to follow them when he heard a feeble meow echo from the kitchen. He raced in and found Martin poking his head from the pantry. The animal’s eyes were wide and glancing in every nook and cranny.

As he slowly sauntered out of the pantry, Michael could see just how scarily skinny the furry creature was. He could almost count every vertebra of the animal’s spine. Michael bent down and tried to give the creature some comfort, but his hand slipped through it as if it were never there.

‘Hey, I bet he’s hiding in the pantry again!’

The far-off voices upstairs made the scared feline bolt to the back door. It was closed, but the creature desperately clawed at the surface, hoping it would give way. Rapid footsteps raced down the stairs, and Michael forced himself to look away and run back up those stairs towards the mirror. He didn’t even bother to wait for his friend this time. He just wanted to get away from this reality as quickly as possible.

Once he jumped through the mirror and entered the void, Michael breathed in slowly and counted backwards from ten.

‘I take it you didn’t want to see what happens to me in that universe.’

Michael turned and found his healthy, fit kitty flying through the portal before stopping right next to him.
‘I... didn’t think it’d be good.’

Martin cast his eyes below. ‘No... it certainly isn’t.’

The two floated beside each other, not knowing what to say or do next.

‘Does every other reality end horribly for you?’

Martin licked his paw before rubbing his face. ‘No... I think there may be one or two where I do live past eighteen years. But I still wouldn’t have enjoyed them.’

Michael looked at his cat as if it had turned into a dog. ‘Why’s that?’

Martin floated beside Michael and rubbed his face against his former owner. ‘I don’t enjoy them because you’re not my owner. No matter how bad or good I was treated in those other worlds, they just never felt right. I didn’t know why for the longest time, but then I realised... none of those other people loved me as much as you did.’

Michael wiped his cheek, not realising how damp it was, before he took his pet into his arms and stroked his back gently.

‘I just wish you could be with me forever,’ Michael whispered.

‘As do I. But you’ll never forget me, right?’

‘Of course not!’

‘Then I’m not truly gone, am I?’

Michael chuckled before he locked eyes with the feline. ‘You always were a clever beast, weren’t you?’

‘When I wasn’t getting my head stuck in paper bags, then yes.’

The two laughed before Michael released Martin and brushed off his clothes, even though not a single hair remained.

‘I think I’m ready to go back now.’

Martin nodded before descending towards a particular portal that glowed a gentle yellow. Michael swam after him, but thankfully found himself able to keep up.

‘Well... I guess this is goodbye for real,’ Michael said as his eyes began to sting.

‘Trust me, Michael, we will meet again someday. But you still have the rest of your life to live, and I hate to sound negative, but it is slowly ticking past you as we speak.’

Michael sniffed and nodded before he picked Martin up and rubbed the cat’s face against his own.

‘Take care of yourself.’

‘Always.’

And with that, the young man moved past the mirror and found himself landing on his bed with a loud bang. He glanced up just in time to see the mirror glowing brightly before it returned to normal.

Michael slowly got up and approached the mirror. The reflected face showed a young man with wide eyes and a gaping jaw. He placed his fingers against the surface but only came into contact with solid glass.

‘Good morning, this is HG97.7 with your morning traffic report...’

Michael nearly jumped out of his skin as he slammed his hand on the snooze button and rubbed his eyes.

‘Okay...’ He pinched the small crevice where his forearm met his elbow. The searing pain confirmed that he was indeed awake. He smiled and shook his head before making his way into the kitchen to make a strong cup of coffee.

While it was brewing, a curious thought came into his head, one that unshackled the limits of his mind and made his soul lighter.

‘If a cat can see the positives of the life it lived, why can’t we?’