PLAYING CUPID

By Kevin Hopson

'HOLY SHIT,’ I said, stepping out of the cab. ‘You’re Xander Wilkinson.’

A portly fellow with curly hair and a salt-and-pepper beard stared back at me. He looked me up and down, then nodded.

‘That I am, young man,’ he said.

I felt something brush my shoulder. When I pivoted to look, my friend Rhett stood beside me. He was a scrawny redhead with a freckled face.

‘Did you pay the fare?’ I asked him.

Rhett shook his head. ‘No. I thought you were paying.’

‘Allow me to handle it,’ Xander interrupted.

He walked over to the passenger-side window and tapped the glass with his knuckle. The window lowered, and Xander pulled a wallet from the pocket of his pants, sliding a bill from its fold.

‘I have these gentlemen covered,’ Xander said, extending a hand. ‘Keep the change.’

‘Thank you, sir,’ the driver said. ‘I appreciate it.’

I watched as the cab merged into traffic and sped off.

‘Wow,’ I said, raising an eyebrow. ‘You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.’

Xander pocketed his wallet. ‘You’re welcome. Where are you gentlemen headed?’

I glimpsed Rhett, but his mouth hung agape, so I decided to answer.

‘Just the movies,’ I said.

Xander nodded. ‘A good one?’

I shrugged. ‘It’s gotten mixed reviews, but we were bored and wanted to get out.’

‘I see.’ Xander closed the gap between us. ‘Perhaps I can interest you in something else. Something that would be well worth your time.’

My brow furrowed. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Is it true that you’re the richest man in Canada?’ Rhett chimed in.

A chuckle escaped Xander’s thin lips. ‘Actually, if you must know, I’m the wealthiest man in all of North America. If you’re keeping tabs on that type of thing.’

I cleared my throat, and Xander met my gaze again.

‘As I was saying,’ Xander continued. ‘I have a proposition for you. How would you like to make some money?’

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘How much are we talking about?’

‘Two hundred million dollars.’

My eyes bulged. ‘Are you kidding?’

‘I never joke about money.’

‘How?’

‘By marrying my daughter.’

I pursed my lips, uncertain what to say.

‘I know it sounds crazy,’ Xander said, ‘but just hear me out.’

If two hundred million dollars was really at stake, I’d be a fool not to listen. ‘Okay,’ I finally said.

‘She’s married,’ Xander noted. ‘To another woman.’

I couldn’t muster a response.

‘She’s a nice enough woman,’ Xander said. ‘My daughter’s wife. But I don’t approve of their marriage. I think marriage should be between a man and a woman.’

Wow. Xander was definitely a prick.

‘What’s your name?’ Xander asked me.

I swallowed. ‘Ethan.’

‘That’s a great name. Ethan and Gabrielle. It sounds good together.’

I pondered for a moment. ‘As a father, don’t you want your daughter to be happy?’

‘Of course,’ Xander replied. ‘But I think she’d be much happier with someone else.’

I was taken aback. ‘I hate to state the obvious, but if your daughter is married to another woman, why would she have any interest in me? And how do you know I’m not already married? Or have a significant other?’

‘Fair questions,’ Xander said. ‘She’s attracted to both sexes, and you’re just her type.’ He paused. ‘With regard to your relationship status, I have a knack for these things. And you have bachelor written all over you.’

‘And how am I her type?’ I asked.

‘You don’t give off that high society vibe, which she loathes. And you’re kind of handsome, in a rugged sort of way.’

‘That’s it?’

‘Of course not. You look fit, too. You’re not overly muscular, but you obviously stay in shape. The only unknown is what you do for a living.’

‘I’m a software engineer.’

‘Perfect,’ Xander said, his lips stretching into a grin. ‘A respectable job but nothing too earth-shattering.’

I didn’t know whether to be insulted by his comment or not.

‘Wait,’ Rhett said, interrupting. ‘If you’re just pulling guys off the street, what made you choose Ethan over me?’

It was a valid question, and I was eager to hear Xander’s response.

‘For one thing,’ Xander said, ‘you’re too short.’

‘Too short?’ Rhett barked.

‘No offense.’

‘But I’m only an inch shorter than Ethan.’

‘It’s a noticeable inch, though.’

Rhett huffed and glanced at me. I could only shrug in response.

‘What’s your name?’ Xander asked him.

‘Rhett.’

Xander shook his head. ‘It just doesn’t work.’

‘Why?’

‘Rhett and Gabrielle don’t go together. You need to have at least a two-syllable name.’

‘What are you talking about? Rhett is a solid name. What about Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind?’

‘I’m not big on fictional characters,’ Xander said.

Rhett was about to explode, so I rested a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.

‘Just relax,’ I said.

Rhett let out a frustrated breath and looked away.

‘How would this work?’ I asked Xander.

‘You’re not seriously considering this, are you?’ Rhett snapped.

‘Easy,’ I said, giving Rhett’s shoulder one last squeeze before pulling my hand away.

‘It doesn’t matter how long it takes,’ Xander said. ‘Whether it’s two weeks or two years. Obviously, the sooner the better.’ He held up a finger. ‘But once you’re married, the two hundred million is yours.’

I mulled it over, the whole situation still surreal to me. ‘I have a few concerns.’

‘Which are?’

‘What if I develop feelings for her and really do want to marry her?’

‘Even better,’ Xander said with a smile.

‘But it would be based on a lie.’

‘Then we can forgo the two hundred million if it makes you feel better.’

I wasn’t sure if losing two hundred million dollars would really make me feel better, though.

‘And what happens when you pay me the money?’ I asked. ‘She would clearly turn suspicious if I became a millionaire overnight.’

‘It would be a gift from me to the two of you. To celebrate your marriage.’

I arched an eyebrow. ‘So, the money wouldn’t be mine alone?’

‘Technically, no. But you’d be set for life.’

That last word caught my attention.

‘Are you implying that I have to marry her for life?’

‘Preferably,’ Xander said. ‘But I know marriages sometimes fail and can’t be saved. I’m living proof of that. But if you two do divorce, the remains of that money will go to my daughter. You’ll sign a prenuptial stating as much.’

A period of silence followed as I deliberated my next move.

‘Here’s my business card,’ Xander said, pulling it from his wallet. ‘This isn’t something you should decide on a whim, so I’ll give you time to think about it.’

I grasped the card, but I’d already made my decision. ‘I want to do it.’

‘Wonderful. When would you like me to introduce you to her?’

I shook my head. ‘That won’t work.’

Xander’s brow furrowed. ‘Come again?’

‘It would draw too much suspicion. A random encounter would be better.’

Xander grinned. ‘You have street smarts, too. Another trait my daughter would embrace.’

‘Where does Gabrielle live?’

We stood in front of a beautiful rowhouse in an upscale part of the city. The brick façade was painted a light grey, and the three windows—one at ground level and two above us—had ornate white trim around them.

‘I can’t believe you’re going through with this,’ Rhett said, standing beside me. ‘That guy’s a total ass.’

‘Chill out,’ I said. ‘I have a plan.’

I climbed the steps to the front door. The wood was mahogany, and it looked expensive. As Rhett sidled up to me, I put a finger to the doorbell and pressed it. I heard a chiming noise soon after. Then the door opened.
Staring back at me was an attractive woman. A slender brunette with wavy long hair and hazel eyes.

‘Hi,’ I said. ‘Are you Gabrielle Wilkinson?’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘Yes. Who’s asking?’

‘I’m Ethan,’ I replied. ‘And this is my friend, Rhett. We’re acquaintances of your father.’

‘Well,’ Gabrielle said. ‘In that case, you can leave, because I don’t want anything to do with my father.’ She went to close the door.

‘Please,’ I said, putting a hand to the door and holding it open.

‘Get your hand off the door, or I’m screaming bloody murder.’

I obliged. But before she could close the door entirely, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

‘Your father wants us to get married,’ I said.

I felt pretty stupid for saying it, but those words forced Gabrielle to pause. She pulled the door ajar, her brow furrowing.

‘What did you just say?’ she asked.

I took a breath. ‘Your father wants us to get married,’ I repeated.

Gabrielle sighed, and her shoulders slumped. ‘I can’t believe he’s at it again.’

‘Pardon?’

‘You’re not the first he’s tried to coax. How much did he say he’d pay you?’

I swallowed. ‘Two hundred million dollars.’

Gabrielle’s eyes went wide. ‘Wow! That’s twice as much as the last guy. He must be getting desperate.’ She hesitated. ‘Why are you telling me this?’

It was a legitimate question, and one I had anticipated.

‘Because I have a conscience,’ I said. I pondered, debating whether or not to speak my mind. ‘Also, I was hoping you’d be grateful for my actions. I can be very persistent, so if you don’t want me to interfere in your life—’

‘Whoa,’ Gabrielle said, raising a hand. ‘You want me to pay you?’

‘I’m not asking for much. Maybe an even million. Or a few hundred thousand, if that works for you.’

‘You have some nerve. I wouldn’t pay you a penny. Not unless you want to kill my father.’

Gabrielle went to close the door again.

‘Wait,’ Rhett said.

Gabrielle held the door open a crack.

‘Are you serious about your father?’ Rhett asked.

I glimpsed Rhett. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

He pulled me aside and glanced at Gabrielle. ‘Just give us a second.’

Much to my surprise, Gabrielle stood in the doorway, gawking at us.

‘Just hear me out,’ Rhett whispered to me. ‘This is perfect.’

‘What are you talking about?’ I hissed.

‘Sebastian,’ Rhett clarified. ‘He hasn’t eaten in weeks. You’re always trying to find discreet ways to feed him, and now this opportunity practically falls into your lap.’

Holy shit. I hadn’t even thought of it.

‘What are you two babbling about?’ Gabrielle said.

‘Do you really hate your father that much?’ Rhett asked. ‘That you wish him dead?’

Gabrielle didn’t hesitate. ‘I do. He’s tried to control me for as long as I can remember. He’ll never accept my marriage, so I want him out of my life.’

Rhett nodded. ‘What if we were willing to make that happen?’

Gabrielle didn’t answer, but she didn’t slam the door in our faces either.

‘We can guarantee that it will never tie back to you,’ Rhett said. ‘And after today, you’ll never hear from us or see us again.’

I stared at Gabrielle, unable to read her face.

‘What do you think?’ Rhett said.

Rhett sat in the passenger seat of my car, staring out the window. We were parked down the street from Xander’s gated mansion, impatiently waiting on the delivery truck. It had been three weeks since we spoke with Gabrielle, and she’d offered some valuable insight on her father’s daily routine, including the staff he employed.

Most of the staff came and went during the day. The only exception was Xander’s personal chef. She cooked all of his meals and left around six o’clock, after serving Xander his dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. Surprisingly, Xander didn’t have any live-in servants, which worked to our advantage.

The later the package arrived, the better. Especially if it was delivered around dinner time. Xander likely wouldn’t open it until after his meal, which would hopefully allow the chef to leave in time. Otherwise, there could be collateral damage. Or, at minimum, a witness to the crime.

As a precautionary measure, I told Xander I had a change of heart and ultimately turned down his offer. I didn’t want to have any connection to him considering what we were about to do. And we didn’t tell Gabrielle when or how the deed would be done.

‘What time is the package supposed to be delivered?’ Rhett asked, looking my way.

I shrugged. ‘Tracking didn’t give an exact time. It only said that delivery is expected by six p.m.’

Rhett eyed the dashboard clock. ‘Jesus. That’s four hours from now.’

‘No one said you had to come. In fact, I told you to stay home.’

‘You know I like to be involved.’

‘Then stop complaining.’

Rhett sighed and pulled a cell phone from his pocket.

‘No,’ I demanded. ‘Leave it off.’

‘But I’m bored.’

‘I don’t care. I don’t want any evidence that we were here. If either of us were ever suspected, the police could use geofencing technology to place us at the scene.’

Rhett huffed. ‘Fine. I’m taking a nap then.’

He reclined in his seat and closed his eyes. A few minutes later, Rhett was snoring, but I preferred that over the alternative.

A few hours passed. When Rhett woke, it was nearly five o’clock, and I had to pee like crazy. As much as I didn’t want to leave the scene, I didn’t have much choice. We swung by a fast-food restaurant so I could use the restroom and grab some food.

When we returned, I spotted a UPS truck in the distance. The delivery driver stood in front of Xander’s gate with a large package at his side. The man spoke into the intercom system, and the gates soon parted. The driver picked up the package and disappeared from view.

I parked the car a few houses down, the pace of my breathing starting to accelerate.

‘That’s got to be it,’ Rhett said.

I nodded.

Over the years, my family had worked with many shady individuals, all of them good at being discreet. It’s how I managed to obtain a fake driver’s license. When I visited the UPS store, I paid in cash and used the phony name and address on the license to send the package. It would only be problematic if the item was returned to the sender, but I didn’t anticipate that happening.

The delivery driver appeared a couple of minutes later, the gates closing behind him as he made his way toward the truck. Then he sped off to make his next delivery, assuming Xander wasn’t his last stop.

This was always the worst part. The waiting. Especially after the package was delivered. My heart thumped up into my throat, and I felt perspiration beneath my T-shirt.

I probably shed five pounds of sweat over the next couple of hours. Thankfully, Xander’s chef had already left, so it was one less thing I had to worry about.

The sun’s glow gradually faded on the horizon. Sebastian didn’t risk going out during the day, so he would likely show up soon, assuming the job was done. For all I knew, though, I could be waiting well into the night. Or even the next day, for that matter.

I glimpsed the dashboard clock. It was nine-twenty-three. Now that it was completely dark, all of the street lights and houses were illuminated. And that’s when I spotted something. A silhouette. It was hugging the shadows and making its way toward us.

‘Is that him?’ Rhett asked.

‘I hope so.’

The figure approached, darting toward the side of my car. Then came a slight tapping at the back window. I pressed a button to unlock the doors. Sebastian slid into the backseat, a courtesy light along the interior of his door briefly coming to life. He quickly closed the door, concealing himself in darkness again. But not before I noticed his blood-caked mouth.

He was only three feet tall. And made of wood. A doll some would say. But not just any doll. A living one. One that had been passed down through my family for generations. When my parents died, he became my responsibility.

Sebastian had a hunger for human flesh. But only the flesh of the crooked. He was a victim-eating vigilante, for lack of a better description. Billionaires weren’t part of his normal diet, so Xander would have been his first.

‘Were you successful?’ I asked, glancing over my shoulder at him.

‘I wouldn’t be here otherwise,’ Sebastian said.

‘And you made sure to kill the video feed before you left? You know, the cameras in the yard?’ I elaborated. ‘We can’t have the police spotting you on video. They probably wouldn’t believe their eyes, but it’s best to be safe.’

‘Of course. And it’s a good thing, too. It took me three tries to scale that damn wall.’

I nodded. ‘So, you got your fill?’

‘And then some. But I left the other body untouched. Actually, it wasn’t untouched. Just un—’

‘Wait,’ I said, spinning around in the seat to face him. ‘What other body?’

‘Xander’s daughter.’

‘Gabrielle?’

‘Yeah. That’s her. At least, that’s what I think he called her.’

‘What the hell was she doing there?’ I said a little too loudly.

‘She was at the house when the UPS guy delivered me,’ Sebastian replied. ‘I overheard their conversation when I was in the box. Apparently, she came to reconcile. And to spill the beans about you two.’

‘Me and Rhett?’

‘Yeah. She said the two of you were going to kill Xander.’

‘Jesus,’ Rhett blurted out.

I ignored him.

‘They were going to go to the police,’ Sebastian continued, ‘so I had to take the initiative. I busted out of the box and charged them. Xander was slow, so I took a bite out of his jugular before he even knew what hit him. But the woman was feisty.’

‘Xander was your only target,’ I said through clenched teeth.

‘I know, but she came at me with a meat cleaver. I had to defend myself, so what did you expect me to do?’

My brain was in overdrive, so I took a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. ‘How did Gabrielle die?’

‘She overswung,’ Sebastian noted. ‘And when she did, I managed to climb on her back and take a bite out of her jugular, too.’

I tilted my head back and exhaled. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Then I glimpsed Sebastian again.

‘And you’re sure she’s dead?’ I asked.

‘I know what a dead person looks like. Plus, the pool of blood left no doubt.’

‘I guess that means we’re not getting paid,’ Rhett said.

I glared at him. ‘Really? That’s the least of my concerns right now. And if she was coming clean with Xander, she obviously didn’t have any intention of paying us.’

Rhett peered through the windshield. ‘Shit,’ he said, ducking behind the dash. ‘Cop.’

The patrol car was slowly making its way down the street, heading in our direction. So, I did the same as Rhett and slouched in my seat, my heart hammering in my chest.

‘They passed us by,’ Sebastian said a few seconds later.

I popped my head up to look. I could still see the patrol car in my side mirror, but it turned down another street and eventually disappeared.

I let out another much-needed breath.

‘You did good,’ Rhett said, glimpsing Sebastian.

My brow furrowed. ‘Are you serious?’

‘What? He saved our asses. Gabrielle’s death is unfortunate, but it couldn’t be helped. And that asshole, Xander, got what he deserved.’

I shook my head in disbelief, but Rhett made a good point.

‘Yeah,’ Sebastian said. ‘You could show a little more appreciation for what I did.’

I huffed. ‘Fine. You did good. I might have handled things a little differently if I were in your shoes, but whatever.’ I hesitated. ‘In any event, that’s the last billionaire for you.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Because if I’ve learned anything from this debacle, it’s that billionaires are too much trouble.’