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WITH SPRING CAME the usual spate of engagements for young denizens of Picklock Lane. Only rarely were the lovelorn among Sheriff Fatty Millstone’s clones. Once the sheriff had married, however, the frequency of his clones’ wholesome affairs with ladies and gentlemen outside their tenement rose precipitously, as if biological clocks were sounding new alarms. The most surprising match was between the exceptionally gifted Charles Millstone and the Cracked Bell pub waitress Olive Masterson, who at first had seemed out of the running for the young man’s heart.
Olive was definitely a plus-sized young woman of nearly two metres in height. The sheriff’s daily contact with her had given him no notion of her talents and aspirations, but Charles’ serious interest in dating her steadily made their relationship a national security concern on account of his being a principal insider in the command centre operations linking the activities of Sogguth and his wife to the Crown.
The more Fatty learned about the raven-haired beauty, the more he liked what she had going for her. First, she was brilliant and self-effacing, well-educated and constantly improving her mind while exercising her body. Second, she was savvy and no social climber; she came from solid Saxon stock with two tentacles' worth of alien blood on her mother’s side. Third, Olive had the gift of natural kindness and the virtue of remaining faithful in her interpersonal relationships. The first inkling he had that Charles and she were becoming ‘an item’ came to him when Charles visited the Cracked Bell to deliver a message from the command centre to the sheriff. He offhandedly mentioned he had sought counsel from his stepmother, Sarah, about his constipation. Overhearing this, Olive had swooped down to refill his pint of bitter and to recommend he drink a strong cup of Senna tea, which she promised to bring as soon as she had steeped it.
In the few seconds this interchange took place, the sheriff saw the easy, intimate familiarity between the two young people, already acting as if they were betrothed. He decided to raise the matter that evening in the hot tub with his spouse and Charles, if he could break free from his watch routine. Charles, who was quick to gauge a situation ‘in the round,’ took the initiative to invite his father and stepmother to an evening discussion to clarify his feelings for Olive and update them on the state of their plans for each other.
Olive brought her beau the promised cup of senna tea. When he had finished the medicinal tea, Charles departed to return to the command centre, so Millstone stepped out the back exit of the pub and wandered to the city park, which was decked in the flowers of the season, complete with daffodils and late-blooming snow drops. Dolly, the village cow, was lowing over a patch of long, dewy grass, and the free-range tentacle that normally rested in the oxbow of the creek near the watercress was doing stretching exercises on the public recreation cage. Behind the sheriff came Olive, concerned about his thoughts after learning of her relationship with Charles.
‘Pardon me, Sheriff, but I did not want you to learn about us in such a public forum.’
‘Olive, the loving look between you was a complete and open book. I am sure no one doubts your affection for each other. You are both of age and entitled to associate with anyone you choose. Frankly, I could not be more delighted for you both.’
Olive seemed relieved at his reaction. She said, ‘Charles told me that he would choose when to break the news to you and his stepmum. My jumping to fetch him the Senna tea must have been the giveaway.’
Millstone smiled and said, ‘The way you two looked at each other, the tones of your voices, the way you leaned forward to see how he felt. In fact, the whole tableau was the genuine expression of two young lovers, and tonight Charles and I intend to tell my wife, the space medicine expert, the score.’
Olive looked down where she was stepping and altered her next steps to avoid one of Dolly’s cowpats. ‘As it happens, Dr Sarah already knows about our affections for each other. She is my personal physician, but that information is confidential. Charles wanted to be sure I was fit to be his bride if he proposed marriage. Evidently, I passed muster, and Charles asked the PM’s amanuensis to start the clearance process because I cannot be intimate with him and not be fully trusted. Of course, one negative word from you and we would break off instantly.’
The sheriff brooded without speaking for a few minutes while he regained his equanimity after his shock at how far things had progressed without his knowledge. ‘Excuse me, Olive, but your news quite takes my breath away. Charles, of course, was right about getting right to your medical and security clearances. Just so you know, I did some independent checking on you before I was aware how far things had progressed between you. I had every confidence you would have no problems getting through the sundry wickets, and I am glad you have passed the medical ones already. As things continue, if we find any obstacles, I am sure they can be overcome as the PM has the highest regard for Charles and considers him the equal of his amanuenses.’
Olive took the sheriff’s arm and looked up cheerily for the first time that morning. ‘Sir, your approval would literally make my day!’
Millstone smiled and steered the waitress around another of Dolly’s fresh cow pats. ‘It would help if I knew in advance what I am to approve?’
The two laughed together, and Dolly lowed as if in sympathy. Olive said, ‘We have not made any promises, but we have planned to become betrothed, then married. After our honeymoon, we hope to live in an apartment in the tenement, continuing to work and study as we have done wherever that leads us.’
‘Thank you. I heartily approve of your plans, and Sarah and I shall support you both however we can. Do you have any concerns or questions for me, Future Daughter-in-Law?’
Olive pressed his arm and shook her head showing he had said all she required and more, and her raven-black ringlets shook as she said, ‘Now it will be up to Charles and me to make our lifelong decisions without fearing your displeasure. If you’ll excuse me, I shall have to finish my shift at the Cracked Bell pub. Do you want me to set you up with a new pint of bitter?’
‘Thank you, Olive, but I will be walking here in the park for around ten minutes before I return. Please have my fresh pint ready then.’
Olive kissed the sheriff on the cheek and skipped off to the back entrance of the pub. Meanwhile, Millstone navigated past the cow pats to the Butterfly Paradise where workers were preparing the soil for spring planting. Lady Lucille was dressed in her gardening gear and pushed up her floppy hat with the back of her hand to accept the sheriff’s hearty ‘Good Morning!’
‘I see you have been trysting with the Masterson girl as your son Charles has also.’
‘Lady Lucille, you must have outstanding intelligence as well as native prescience. For your Ladyship’s most private information, Sarah and I should be in a good position to announce that my Charles and Olive Masterson have lifelong plans. Not everything is settled yet and I don’t want to be presumptuous.’
‘Now, Fatty, I understand your position and commend your discretion. I only know what I do from my husband’s amanuensis, who is handling the clearance matters. Aside from my teasing you, I have not told a soul about the young lovers’ plans. Once the plans have firmed up, please bring the couple to high tea so I can congratulate them properly.’
‘Your wish is my command. It is a wonderful day for gardening—sunny with little chance of rain.’
The Prime Minister’s wife returned to her work as the sheriff retraced his steps to the greensward and wove his way to the back of the pub. As he entered the dark rear area where his table lay, the unmistakable sounds of a heated argument assailed his ears. As he sank into his captain’s chair, a long, thin arm placed a coaster and a full pint before him. In his right ear Olive told him Crenshaw and Straight were about to come to blows about the faux news about rumoured recent events in Antarctica in the mainstream media.
The sheriff’s scowl brought the argument to a screeching halt. The yellow-press newshounds waited to discover whether the sheriff would refrain or enter their battle on one side or the other. Millstone said, ‘I do like the silence for a change. And I would advise you wranglers to remain silent about Antarctica until you have been there to investigate for yourselves. Why speculate about so-called news that is based on nothing but innuendo? In the meantime, Olive, please top off everyone’s pint who has one and provide a new pint for all who do not.’
Olive was the model of industry as she did what the sheriff had requested. The news hounds knew better than to start their rambunctious catcalling again. Relative peace prevailed for the rest of the working day and evening, so Fatty was surprised at Last Call and then Closing Time. The sheriff heard nothing about Antarctica from the time he quelled the arguments until his departure into the starry night. He had his own special reasons for being pleased about the cessation of the arguments, but those could not be aired in public. As he walked over the cobblestones of Picklock Lane to his tenement, he gathered his thoughts for his nighttime discussions with Sarah and Charles.
Charles was tied up unexpectedly by urgent reports from Sogguth. This gave Fatty and Sarah time to discuss the family matter of Charles and Olive before his son joined their conversation.
‘Sarah, this morning I discovered I was the last to know about what was happening between our Charles and Olive Masterson.’
‘Fatty, the two are adults capable of making their own decisions.’
‘True, but Olive told me you are now her personal physician.’
‘That is usually information kept private except for the patient and her physician, but yes, it is true. I have given her clearance for space travel, and I have done the examination and tests confirming there should be no problems of compatibility between the two if they should decide to marry. In fact, you should know that your future daughter-in-law is desirous of bearing five or six children, at minimum, for Charles. We can therefore look forward to being grandfather and grandmother soon after their marriage and repeatedly thereafter.’
‘I foresee no impediment to her being granted most-secret clearance, so everything else remains in their capable wills.’
‘Then everything is settled.’
‘Administratively, yes. But they must decide their fates together. From what I saw today, they are very much in love. Therefore, I suggest we prepare to support their wedding and honeymoon.’
‘Olive will likely transition to live with Charles here in his tenement apartment. She may choose to work in the command centre with Charles.’
‘That will be a matter for the Prime Minister to determine.’
‘Fatty, her clearance must have a job associated with it, so she will work with her husband as his partner in the command centre since they will have the same level of clearance and caveats and live close by their offices. I have already spoken with Sir Douglas about this, and he is in complete agreement.’
The sheriff said, ‘The surprises continue, but I am in favour of everyone’s plans for those two.’
‘Good. Now scrub my back with a loofa sponge. Oh, that’s just right. I have had a long, busy day of seeing patients.’
When Charles entered the hot tub, he saw his parents were enjoying each other’s company. So, he waited for them to address the pressing issues of his future with Olive. Fatty told him, ‘It appears everything remains to be done by you and your future bride. All other issues have been resolved. My only question is when you are going to propose to Olive as she is anxious to have a commitment.’
‘I am delighted to know you both approve of our betrothal.’
‘We do approve, and we want you to know we shall support your plans however we can. You will, of course, have a marvellous honeymoon, and you will stay in your apartment here as long as you like. I have been told Olive will be working right next to you in the command centre. That is fine. I spoke with Lady Lucille today at the Butterfly Paradise, and she insisted we all come to high tea at the PM’s estate as soon as your plans are firm.’
It was Sarah’s turn to be surprised, but she took the news in her stride and said, ‘I am, of course, delighted for this sign of favour for the match. High tea for Lucille will be an all-afternoon affair!’ |
